Special Post: Personal Story and Lesson

For context, I am a recovering overachiever myself—one who has experienced almost every possible negative overachiever symptom. So, while I am improving, there are still some circumstances where I fall back into these tendencies (unfortunately 😭). 

Here is the story of one of those incidents and what I learned from it:

A few weeks ago on a Thursday, I wrestled with a big decision.

I had meetings until 8:30 pm on Wednesday, so when I finished I immediately got up from the chair behind my desk and face planted on my orange beanbag.

Then…I got up to eat shortly after, but I proceeded to fall asleep around 11 pm. However, this—falling asleep—was a big issue.

Why? I had fixed my mind on completing a certain assignment by Thursday. 

The assignment was an optional presentation about a small project I was working on during my summer program. Earlier that week, on Monday, the program administrators had proposed this presentation opportunity during our group meeting. At the end of our discussion, they directly said to me: “We want you to do this presentation.” 

So although the presentation was optional, once they spoke those 7 words, there was a clear switch. In my mind, it was no longer optional—it was mandatory. 

The immediate switch occurred because of my old habit of chasing external validation and struggling to say “no” to anything, especially when an activity is encouraged. 

I woke up on Thursday still convinced I had to do this presentation. However, the presentation had to be submitted by the end of Thursday. The fact that I didn’t accomplish anything on Wednesday because I fell asleep brought me immense stress, compelling me to immediately return to my desk and open my laptop. 

But as I was working, I remembered all of the other things I had to do—replying to emails, posting my weekly article, doing my summer work, etc.—and I realized that I probably didn’t have time to prepare the presentation, nor did I have the time to stress about making it perfect. 

Instead of just deciding to quit the presentation at that moment, I proceeded to spend the next 6 hours of the day polling friends and family about whether or not I should present.

Eventually, I decided against it.

It wasn’t until the next day—Friday—that I realized how much time I had wasted. I had fallen asleep at 11pm on Wednesday because I procrastinated worrying about the presentation. I wasted hours stuck in decision paralysis on Thursday worrying about the ramifications of presenting or deciding not to present. In retrospect, it shouldn’t have been that difficult to decide against this presentation: deep down, I knew that the stress of the presentation would divert all my focus away from my mandatory work and ultimately result in completely neglecting more important assignments.

So, what’s the takeaway message? When you struggle to say “no” to something or fall into decision paralysis, remember who you are. 

Ask yourself: Will you realistically treat this extra task as inferior, or will it rise to the top of your priority list when it didn’t even have to be on your list in the first place? And, most importantly, always remember what comes first; for example: don’t give all of your time to a sport or an activity if you have an impending semester exam (no matter what your coach is telling you). 

Sometimes, saying “no” is the only way to be fully present for what really matters.

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